For a Little While
By Iyanla Vanzant ~
I remember the pain of labor when I was giving birth to my children. It was a pain unlike any other I had or have since experienced. The funny thing is, unlike the pain of my marriage ending or the pain of losing my daughter, I cannot recall the intensity of labor pains in my mind. I remember that it hurt. I remember how long it hurt. What I cannot do, thank goodness, is re-imprint my mind or body with the intensity of the pain. In other words, the pain is just a memory. Somehow, now that I have my children, the pain of birthing them is not where I tend to focus. I focus on the new life that came through my being.
All of us, men and women alike are at some point birthing something new into our minds, hearts and lives. It is a sacred labor that we all experience. At times, we have no clue about what we are birthing and whether or not we will survive the deep, bone rattling pain that is associated with bringing forth life. What makes it even more difficult to endure is that the thing we are birthing will not have a face or a name. We may not even realize that we are birthing something. The thing coming through us will not cry or be dependent upon us for food, clothing and shelter.
This can be very frightening because having not a clue that we are in the labor process of giving birth to something, we believe the pain is unnecessary. We can even come to believe that life is simply being cruel for no reason. The pain of giving birth can really seem frightening, cruel and confusing when what we are birthing is a new way of being or a new identity. At other times, when we are birthing a new state of being; from being married to being single for example, the labor process can threaten to destroy the very essence of who we believe we are in life. No matter what is being birthed, you can rest assured that there will be some pain involved. You can also be assured that you can do anything for a little while.
We all know that life is a series of changes which are always accompanied by cycles of pain. We know it and, we hate it. We all want a new and better life and, at the same time, we want to avoid at all costs the labor pains associated with bringing that life into existence. What I have come to realize is, in life we are always in a process of giving birth. We are at all times in some phase labor. My sister-women out there know that it is easier to bear the pains of labor when they are 15 minutes apart. When pains are coming three and five minutes apart, it is hard, if not impossible to remain composed, even when you know the baby is almost here. In life, we all know there will be break-ups and break downs.
However, the pain of the breakthrough is an all together different story. We know it is coming and still refuse to bear down and push through. We hold our breath, close our eyes and resist the process of giving ourselves over to the pain. When we you are birthing a child, holding back is impossible. In the process of living, resisting the pain of your labor only prolongs the process.
Change is going to happen. There is absolutely nothing you can do to hold back the process of life unfolding in you and through you. I am sure you already know that the changes you experience will cause you some sort of pain. More often than not, what you think about and tell yourself in the midst of the labor of birthing a new way of being will cause you more pain than the experience itself.
Here is a little something for you to remember. Should you find yourself in the midst of something painful, it is important to recognize that very soon, it will just be a memory. If you can muster the courage and give yourself permission to just be in the pain and with the pain, you will survive.
When I think back to how I behaved and the things I said when I was giving birth to my children, I am not ashamed. I laugh at myself. OMG! I begged and pleaded and swore like a sailor and, the process continued in spite of my resistance. You know what else? I would do it all over again just to have the beauty that my children are in my life. They have brought me immeasurable joy and even that was painful at times.
Whether you are changing jobs or partners; if your best friends now seems to be your worst enemy; if you are needing something you don’t have or wanting something you cannot get; no matter what it is that you are laboring through, you can do it. You can do anything for a little while! No matter how long it takes, do not resist the changes of life. Buckle up and breathe. Something wonderful is being birthed through you.
Categories: Spirit Matters